Background The amount of patients are constantly on the rise. To be able to care for both the patient and the relative, the nurse must have both the competence and the resources in order to provide the required nursing. As a nurse, one should be able to connect to the relative and be a support person, give the information politely and invest in their emotions. That can be a both difficult and emotionally stressful task especially in the emergency and intensive care. Aim The aim of the study was to illuminate the relatives' experiences of dealing with a family member in a critical state in emergency or intensive care. Method The method was a qualitative study based on eight literary studies. Friberg's five step method was used and eight different scientific articles were analyzed. Results The result was one main theme and four subthemes. The main theme was commuting between powerlessness and control and the subthemes were information, to participate in the care, being near but far away and hope and despair. Conclusion The study showed that a good relationship and providing continuous information is essential for the relatives to understand the tragic situation. The information will lead to security and reducing the amount of suffering for the relatives. Being able to be close with the patient was a necessity and the relatives expressed a need of getting support from the nurse during these meetings.